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We end up feeling pressured to move ahead even if we sense it may be unwise.

Some kinds of intimacy should be reserved for much later in a relationship after it has demonstrated real maturity and health.

Others, already in a struggling marriage, are wasting time looking for lost feelings. This is not to say they are incompatible with Christian love, but they should not be confused with it.

Or they could become involved in erotic extra-marital affairs instead of setting about the task of learning to love as Christ loved us. If these areas of attraction are your sole, or even your main, criteria for marriage, it suggests that romance is your final guide to marriage decisions.

This usually means you’re experiencing —a pleasurable, even thrilling experience.

But it can also create an illusion of intimacy: Strong feelings of attraction lead us to believe we’ve found our soul mate, when in fact we hardly know each other.

We would be judging our marriage by a standard alien to the Bible and contrary to the way God made us.

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Couples who are “in love” often say that because they never fight or disagree their love is the “real thing.” is notoriously blind to a lover’s weaknesses, and those under its spell tend to respond with outrage to any who poke holes in their idealized image of the other person.On this shaky foundation couples initiate increasing intimacy to perpetuate and deepen their romantic feelings for one another.But many forms of intimacy are dangerous in a new dating relationship when we have no way of knowing whether the relationship will progress or fail.And because it is so pleasurable, those under its sway find it easy to rationalize their critics as people who “just don’t understand what it means to be in love.” For this reason, dating couples should make a commitment to each other to stay involved with their friends and to keep up with their school, work, and ministry responsibilities.They should also carefully consider criticism in this area and be willing to decrease time together if this problem arises.

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